Monday, April 5, 2010
surviving another holiday
This has been an emotional 2 weeks, last week would have been mama's birthday (it's easy to remember as it is Joann's b'day too) I was ok with it, then I got the egg from Misty. That set the emotions that were simmering into to a full boil. That night we went to the play HATS it's about a woman turning 50. There was one part when the mother of the b'day girl gives her a gift that was the gift "its time to do what you desire and haven't done yet" this set me crying. It is a humorous play but I found it hard to laugh much. The weekend has been rough I am going through a lot of changes and not knowing and it has made me emotional as all get out. Becky being sick is hard, but hopefully they now know what is happening. She has a ligament in the stomach area that is too tight pushing on the artery to her tummy restricting blood flow and causing a lot of pain. Today they told her there is a plan of action that might help. Now if I would only find out about my job or lack of one. Even if I find out I have a job I don't know what grade or school. Then there is always the waiting to find out when they will foreclose on the house and we will be moving. I feel as if my fate is resting in the hands of many others. I wish I had my mom there to talk to, I know she couldn't solve any problems but there are days I just plain miss her, its been 25 years but there is still a whole there that can never be filled. I will be ok I know this but I am ready to be ok today! I dont do well with unknown factors. I am ready to get on with life and make decisions I guess I am learning patience and letting go.